i'm the one, there's not too many...

I am in love with a boy.
He told me he loved me too.
I don't know if I believe him.

Guess I'll learn my fate in three weeks.

He's the only boy I've loved.
He's my one.

I wish I would be sent a sign to point me in the right direction.
To tell me everything would be okay.
That I would get my happily ever after at least for a while.

I love him more than anyone.
No one really understands.

I sound like a lovesick fool.
Enjoy reading.
Goodnight

Me and the Moon

I'm waiting. I'm waiting for that red light to turn green so I can make that left turn and change everything in my life.  I don't know why i just wrote that, but thats the feeling I had on my drive home when I was at the stoplight at Nordhoff and Topanga.

I was told tonight that I am playing the tragic hero...I have no just and worthy cause that I am sacrificing myself for so I don't see how the title fits.  How can you be a tragic hero with nothing worth fighting for...I do not criticize the person who said it seeing as how they are the only ones who read this thing but I do not fully understand.

I'm a pathetic mess really I am. I tried crying it out on the way home to get it out of my system but I couldn't even cry. It's sad really this feeling that I've become such good friends with over the years. It's name is Numb. I can't express the feelings that hurt me anymore not even to my friends. My family doesn't care so much, I realize they just criticize them. If I say I'm in a fight with friends or I've been hurt by them, even if it concerns boys they don't understand and I think now that I was using my friends as an outlet or surrogate family because I couldn't express these social feelings to my family, they just don't get it and don't wanna be bothered with it. I'm an over-emotional person who has bottled things up for so long that anytime they come out they seem like either agressive attacks or cause me to retreat into myself and push everyone away.  I choose to retreat rather than let them manifest into agressive attacks because the last time that happend I lost a family.

I don't know what to do. I'm stuck. Granted I've been stuck for two years now. I keep looking for a defining moment but there is none. I'm that little green turn arrow anxiously awaiting for everything to get better. That red light represents all those things I can't deal with.

Nobody gets this feeling. It feels like my skins crawling and I just wanna shout at everyone. I wanna punch something, I want to feel it hurt. I want to cry. I want cry hard. Then I wanna scream and punch something again and then I just wanna curl up into someones arms while they tell me that everything will be alright and I wanna be able to believe them.

I don't trust anyone anymore though. I realized that today, that I don't trust anyone except for my dad and my sister but they're not much help.

I don't want new friends. I want old ones back. I don't wanna grovel for forgiveness cause I still didn't do anything wrong. I don't wanna fake it but I would work to get it back. 

I'd rather be completely alone than pretending like everythings fine. I have no business being here on this earth I never really did. I've felt like that since I was little, when I used to get upset. This is not where I'm spose to be. I'm not part of here. I don't know where I'm from I just always get that feeling like I'm watching, I don't belong here and I'm watching it all. I wanna go home, wherever the hell that is.

Help.

Not Much Left To Be Desired...

So. Today was interesting to say the least and the most. Not much really to report about moi, except I got two new pairs of Kick Ass Boots and a beatiful new hobo bag...now I need an occasion to get out and dress up. I don't see that opprotunity presenting itself anytime soon. I had work, long day, but lucky me Sam got her hours confused and ended up closing with me so I wasn't alone. For those of you who happen to stumble upon this and don't know I work at a library as a messenger clerk and closing from 4-8 is the worst shift to be alone on, lucky me I was not alone. I ended up stumbling over my words when asking a question to one of my co-workers *(which now I think he may think I was trying to flirt..unsuccessfully, but that was not the case. Not to say that the co-worker in question is not a good looking person, cause they are but it's a harmless crush. It doesn't help that anytime you talk to them you can't understand a single word they say and all they do is mutter. Oh well.)
I do have to talk about this one patron though who keeps showing up and then I will go into my Kanye West/ Taylor Swift discussion. Okay so there is this male patron who I've notice come in every couple of days. I swear to god he is the exact description of a fairytale prince. I honestly just want him to sweep me off my feet and carry me to his white horse where we will ride off into the sunset and live in a beatiful castle blah blah blah etc. He is gorgeous though and if you read almost any princely description in any generic fairytale or even look up the definition of prince he's right there. He's got this sandy brown/blonde hair in the floppy/wavy princely fashion, he's tall, clear eyes, tan skin. Mmmmm he's just dreamy. I have yet to figure out his name but I will call him...[insert princely name here] and when I'm at work I will daydream of our many adventures...maybe involving me being the 21 year old mistress to his 40 year old married self.
Now as for Kanye West. I watched him tonight on the Jay Leno show where he was scheduled to perform with Rihanna and Jay-Z (currently listening to the song) and he actually came out to talk to Jay about the whole situation. It was an act of humility for him, but at the same time, I have a feeling that he will not be living this event down for awhile (which I assume everyone knows he stole Taylor Swift's spotlight on her Best Female Pop Video win). He talked to Jay about how sorry he was and that he didn't mean to ruin her moment but he didn't realize what he was doing at the moment. Surprise Surprise, I found out earlier today that he had been drinking and well we all know that booze can make you do stupid shit. However, that is no excuse for ruining a young girls first VMA award. I do have to give props to Beyonce for being a class act and giving her acceptance speech time to Taylor so she could have her moment. As for Kanye, I think he's got a lot he's been repressing, especially since the death of his mother, and now that this has happend I think he realizes he needs to take a step back and deal with a few things. They guy has always had an ego, but he's got a little bit of depth to him, if he didn't he wouldn't still be around.



MUSIC: EVERYONE GO BUY A FINE FRENZY'S BOMB IN A BIRDCAGE ALBUM! A Fine Frenzy is one of the most creative bands out there right now. The lead singer's voice is beautiful. The lyrics are unique and the music is perfect for just a mellow everyday soudntrack to your life.
I  am super stoked for MUSE's new album which is dropping tomorrow. Uprising has got to be one of the best songs on the radio currently (yes I still listen to the radio, seeing as how it is the only soundsystem I have in my car)
I also have to say that OWL CITY is another band/singer that is really relaxing. Think DEATHCAB FOR CUTIE and POSTAL SERVICE blended into an atmospheric dessert!

Well I will say goodnight now at about 11:30 seeing as how tomorrow will be a rediculously long day. I have class at 7am and then work from 10-2 and then class again at 7pm.

I think I will start making this my end of blog tradition...lyrics from an artist that I just find special for one reason or another. As I mentioned earlier OWL CITY is an amazing band and here is there song Vanilla Twilight which I highly reccomend!

The stars lean down to kiss you



And I lie awake and miss you


Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere


'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly


But I'll miss your arms around me


I'd send a postcard to you dear


'Cause I wish you were here






I'll watch the night turn light blue


But it's not the same without you


Because it takes two to whisper quietly


The silence isn't so bad


Till I look at my hands and feel sad


'Cause the spaces between my fingers


Are right where yours fit perfectly






I'll find repose in new ways


Though I haven't slept in two days


'Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone


But drenched in vanilla twilight


I'll sit on the front porch all night


Waist-deep in thought because when I think of you


I don't feel so alone






I don't feel so alone


I don't feel so alone






As many times as I blink


I'll think of you tonight


I'll think of you tonight






When violet eyes get brighter


And heavy wings grow lighter


I'll taste the sky and feel alive again


And I'll forget the world that I knew


But I swear I won't forget you


Oh, if my voice could reach back through the past


I'd whisper in your ear,


Oh darling I wish you were here
-Vanilla Twilight by: Owl City

Me: A Work In Progress

So I've been thinking about a few things over the past two days (since about friday after a very uncomfortable ride back to my car from seeing 9) and what I've concluded is that for the past 4-5 years of my life I don't think I've once focused on Me. I focus on everyone else around me what they're doing, who they're with, where they're going. It's like It reminds me of when I was little and (granted this analogy will suck) but it reminds me of when I was little and I had a bunch of kittens and I was trying to watch over them and keep them in the same spot but they each had their own direction and kept wandering every which way. I feel like I'm trying to keep the people in my life from going in different directions and I have majorly unsuccessful. It's to the point where I feel like I'm sacraficing my sanity. I, by nature, am a very caring and emotional person. I always have been, and I think a part of me always will. Recently I've noticed that I don't care so much as get jealous. I realize that I havn't been "caring" I've been more "acting like a spoiled brat" and driving people away from me by finding reasons to be mad at them...which must be some leftover childhood issues that never got dealt with, plus the fact that I feel like everyone has changed except for me. Which leads me to my topic of Me.
Call me self-centered, call me selfish, these are just realizations that I have made. But I look back at many of the decisions I have made over the past year and a half and see that everything I did was for other people. When did I last do something on my own, on  my own time, not centered around my friends.....ummmm how bout last night and just today. I took my sister out for dinner last night, and I went shopping for jeans for work. Those may sound like common things that anyone does any day of the week but it was saturday and sunday. Normally I'm desperately searching for someone to chill with so I can get out of the house (which I have realized requires a hell of a lot of energy, not to mention a lot of mental planning on my behalf)
So I will say it now that I think I really need to focus on myself for a while, no distractions! I plan on making my focuses SCHOOL, work, family, me. I need to forget the social world around me, discover new things on my own. If theres one thing I have learned from this past year and half its that all you really have to count on is yourself, you and you alone. Sure you have your family and they will always be there but out in the real world it's you. You take care of you. I don't know...I just know that despite the fact there are people who say they're there for me I feel like all I have is myself. Part of that may be because I'm at Pierce( which I admit I'm actually pretty glad I'm going there right now) I don't know. I'm still all jumbled up.
To free myself a bit from all this mess I did delete my facebook and my myspace, which funny enough couldn't have happend at a more perfect time cause I found this kid I met over the summer finally on there through sheer luck of being invited to the same event as him. Turns out I was spelling his last name wrong and that's why I could never find him. Whatever, I screwed that up way before too, haha, I can't believe I actually texted him using his number that I got from a friend can we say Pa-Thetic. Yes. Yes you can. Sadly I havn't felt such a rush from someone in so long but I'm forgetting it because at this point I don't see it happening, probably more on his behalf then mine. Though I would probably not be a fun person to be with right now either. It's all good though cause I deleted his number from my phone and I didn't write it down so no temptation.
Oh, I did get asked if I was okay tonite, by a close friend of mine. Only one that noticed, probably because of my turn down of boondock saints. But it was for a good couple of reasons 1)I'm out of gas and did not wanna drive up to Northridge 2) I was watching the VMA's 3) I really don't feel like being around anyone right now. It's funny I havn't even heard from my best friend, she probably thinks I deleted her off facebook, just like a few of my other friends, they probably think I'm mad at them for some obscene reason and have yet to realize I deleted it totally. That's what happens when you cry wolf way too many times, they just don't even make the effort. It's cool though because I need the time alone. I feel like a work in progress.
I have been reading alot lately, nothing really of significance, just Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter by Laurell K. Hamilton and I just now picked up Somebody to Love by Grace Slick the lead singer of Jefferson Airplane. I still have to finish Middlesex as well. I have a few musical recommendations as well, theres a lot of new/old stuff that I've discovered.
I think I'll say goodnight for real now and I'll hopefully be back tomorrow if I have the time. I wish I had wireless so I could log on whenever I like but that is a minor problem.


I leave you with the lyrics of Stay With Me by Colbie Caillat
It relates pretty well to my desire to just keep people around, it's all I really want, for people to just stay for once. I can dream though.

We simply fit together like a piece of apple pie,



I will be vanilla ice cream and I'll sing you lullabies,


I will love you in the moonlight and I'll love you in the day, always.






I love the time we spend, like a watch from an old friend,


I will help you keep your smile, promise me you'll stay a while,


I will come to you in need and I'll help you when I can, when I can.






Stay with me, promise me you're never gonna leave,


Stay with me, (yeah) let's try to be the best that we can be,


and take our time.






We always joke together after we're rolling on the floor.


I like the way you dance around when you're running for the door.


I will come to visit you even when we're old and gray, always.


I love the way you make me feel, when you're asleep I'll take the wheel,


Make sure to call when you get home, when you're driving on the road.






I will come to you in need and I'll help you when I can, when I can, so..






Stay with me, promise me you're never gonna leave,


Stay with me, (yeah) let's try to be the best that we can be,


and take our time.






I will come to you in need and I'll help you when I can, I will help you when I can,


I will come to you in need and I'll help you when I can, I will help you when I can,


Always,






So stay with me, promise me you're never gonna leave,


Stay with me, (yeah) let's try to be the best that we can be,


and take our time
-Stay With Me by: Colbie Caillat

Coming Back Soon

So I've decided that I need to start blogging again...no one really reads this but I figure that's a good thing because it means I won't have to censor myself much. Anyway more to come, I'm gonna try to blog at least a couple times a week. I need to start remembering things and I guess venting a bit as well, seeing as how friends are far and few at the moment. So, see you later and enjoy the rest of your night. :)

i know...

you're that guy i'd be stupid to trust
but just one night couldn't be so wrong
you make me wanna lose control...

-cobra starship//good girls go bad

new favorite song
look it up!

:)

Forever and Always

I'm in love with you. I always have been and I always will be. You told the stupidest jokes and you tasted like blackberries. You were immature, wild, and somewhat idiotic and I still fell from the moon into your arms in less than a second. You flew me across the universe the first night we met into our best friends bed. Innocent kisses and eager to please, you were my everything...you are my everything. I hate the feeling of still needing your arms around me, my mind plays tricks on me leading me to believe your safe under the covers with me in my bed. I hear your voice in my ear at night telling you need me more than I need you. Kissing me softly telling me not to cry when you have to leave in the morning. You tell me you'll come back the next night and on some level I know your not real. I know that the real you is out fucking every young thing that passes your gorgeous brown eyes around the halls of your new campus. I never shared your passion for the stage, nor did I play your video games...but I was eager to listen and learn. I would do anything for you, I will do anything for you. You took me across the universe again, from the valley to pv and back again. Then you left me, you left us, you left our friends and our life. You don't know the things I did and I don't know the things you've done. All I know is that we are each others destiny. We always have been, always will be. I must have known you in another world, another time, another place, another life. We must have been together, star crossed lovers, husband and wife, Lord and Harlot, we belong together. I know deep in my soul that you are mine as I am yours. I need you. I desperately need your hand in mine and your heart beating under my fingers. I need your touch and your lips upon my own. It hurts, the dull ache pulsing beneath my skin, driving me insane. I love you. I am in love with you. I will always be in love you. Forever and Always.

stop being a tweet!

For the past couple of days I have realized that there has been a surge in all the social networking sites. Specifically Facebook and Twitter. Not only does everyone on earth have both a Facebook and Twitter, but now celebrities, tv shows, talkshows, etc.. now have signed up for these social networking sites. I may complain and/or rant about these social networking sites, but at the same time I feel like such hypocrite because I myself have a facebook,twitter,myspace, and a blog! I should not be talking, however, I believe my reasons in having these "social networking profiles" are justified. The only reason I keep a myspace and facebook is because it's such an easy tool to use to stay in touch with friends across the country who don't have the time to sit down everyday and have a conversation over the phone (btw I HATE THE PHONE,except to text) I have a twitter only because two years ago when I was at Woodbury my friend Jessica told me about it and I thought it would be fun to try...apparently it has taken that long for people to turn into the new "social networking fad" As for my blog, I realize that most people don't read this and it's more of a guilty pleasure for myself to rant, admit crushes, and try to get rid of the writers block i've had for two years! I can't seem to find anything creative to write about (I think I need to take a creative writing class or something) Anyways, I find it disgusting how the media has taken over all of these networking sites. I mean I guess I can understand facebook and myspace, but twitter?! I'm sorry WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU INSANE DO YOU REALLY HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO THEN UPDATE YOUR TWITTER YOU FUCKING TWEET! Uggh I really don't understand the new found fascination with twitter, really I don't. It's practically facebook minus the profile. It's a status people, that's it! Why in the world do you need TWO statuses...unless you're doing two things at once but even then what are you gonna do link your twitter to your facebook and say oh check out my twitter to see whatelse I'm doing. NO! people do not have the time to trace your twitter to your facebook or your facebook to your twitter. (unless they have nothing better to do and at that point you really shouldn't be considered an actual person in society) yes it's harsh but I am so flabbergasted(finally got to use that word! 10pts for me!) by the obsession with all of these social networking sites. Maybe it's because I had most of these things before they became popular, just how i like my music, new sounds before they become popular. I've always been able to spot trends like that. I had a facebook, before they opened it up to "everyone" and I had a myspace before everyone and their mother had one, same with twitter. The thing is, as much as I now want to delete all my accounts for these sites, I can't. They've somewhat become an integral part of my social life (don't yell at me yet, let me explain) The only reason I say this is because if I did delete them, I would cut my tie to a huge majority of my friends that I miss terribly, and I wouldn't be able to keep up with people from high school and college. So anyways that's enough for now on social networking. It's a love/hate relationship...whatever will I do.

As for more interesting news...well I don't really have any but I can list some highlights of past weeks.

• Saw Illusion
• I havn't been to Business Law since the first class
• I have a major crush on a media genius named david
• I hate the theater department and their loudmouth and obnoxious students
• I sat across from Vivca A. Fox last nigth at CPK
• I've smoked these past two days(not wise but I've been pretty stressed)
• I need to move out of my house
• I played apples to apples drunk (It's fantabulous!)
• Social networking is a joke!
• I love my friends
• I might get a new phone...possibly...we'll see.
• Work is ehh...but fun.

Well I'm going to head off to work soon, gotta get dressed, pick up lunch and go to work. So until next time....

3 a.m.

You smelled of Evergreen and Lime...my mind melted and all I wanted to do was hold your hand. Three hours of sitting in a worn down theater, with you, watching the epic tale unfold on screen. All I wanted to do was move closer.

questions?

soooo what does it mean when a guy says happy valentine's day and you suspect he has no other girls around?

does he like you?
was it just a friend thing?
is it nothing?

is he just not that into you?

and what do you do if he's shy, and you know that you'll probably have to make the first move?

when do you make the first move?
how long do you wait?


i'm not a mess, just confused...happily confused. ;)

uh-oh here we go...

Currently smitten with a Media Genius. Honestly not much to say except for that, however, I will not be letting my hormones get the best of me.

Friends.

That's it.

Just Friends.

For the time being.

A Long Time Being.


mmmhmmm....

sick.

I want to apologize for not posting for awhile. 12 days to be specific. Alot has happend and lemme say my 21st birthday was epic! I will explain more later, but I just wanted to post to let people who read this know I am alive...specifically Stephen because I havn't talked to you in a few days :( I'm sorry, but I've been sick!

I did however want to say that tonite, despite the fact I'm sick, I'm still hopeful. Things are still good and I am currently toying with the idea of becoming a CPA (certified personal accountat) It is extremely intriguing and I would be able to still do business. As for changing my major, I havn't thought that through. I might consider it more, once I A) get through this class and B) take the second class.

Things at the Library are back to normal...for the most part. I have not seen one of my co-workers for two weeks but I'm okay with it. I think what I was feeling for them has passed. I realized this a few days ago and now I have removed one person from SJB's Hit List XD

To my friends: S.B M.C M.S S.J.B. J.E C.L E.G you mean everything to me and what I would do without you I don't know. Know that I appreciate your friendship more than anything. I hope I can only be as good to you all as you have been to me!

I am slowly drifting to sleep at my kitchen table and I believe my bed is calling me...and I have work tomorrow at 1:40 FEEL FREE TO STOP BY!!!

you know you love me xoxo

I

My Wishes for my 21st year

So I am a firm believer in the influence the universe has on our lives, I love horoscopes and readings and the Zodiac. I am an Aquarius. The Water Bearer. Creative, Innovative, and Unique. Anyway I read this Summary for Aquarius for the year and normally I don't believe this stuff because it's so general and not tailored to the exact coordinates of my houses and rising sign and sun sign and all that shit. But, what did make sense is that apparently I am suppose to have a fantastic year. Which I will have, but to make it even stronger and now that I'm on this new Positive Thinking kick, I've been working on putting my positive thoughts and what I want for this new year out into the Universe. Apparently I need to be specific and put a lot of thought into it. So here we go.

My List of What I want for 2009

1. To do well during the school year. I will make good grades, focus more, study more, get into a good habit.
2. I willt find my passion. I will figure out what I'm passionate about and what I can make into a good career for myself. I will find something where I don't get bored easily. Something that interests me and really gets me motivated.
3. I will start going to the gym on a regular basis and get my energy up and get moving.
4. I will move out of my parents house. I will get an apartment (preferably with megan =] ) and I will finally be out on my own.
5. I will travel. I will go to Greece, Spain, England, France, Italy(again), Ireland, Scottland. I will go anywhere my heart desires.
6. I will save money. I will start putting away part of my paycheck and I will open my own savings account (or try to persuade my parents to sign overthe one I already have so I can start putting money into that)
7. I will find a loving,caring,funny,smart,handsome,honest,charming boyfriend who loves me for me, wants to be with me and only me. I will find him soon.
8. I will learn how to balence school, work, and life all at the same time.
9. I will get a new car and until I find one that is a decent price my van will keep running for me.
10. I will learn how to trust again, not only my instincts but other people as well.

For the time being this is all that I can think of. These will all come true. The universe will accept this and my heart is open. When I think of more I will update the list. I am excited for the new year. I know this may be rediculous, but to me it is important.

I have 4 days til I turn 21 and I plan on this year being the best year I have ever had. I expect new changes and experiences.

I am so stoked!

so today...

I got my tragus pierced!!! Pictures to follow soon :)

Dangerous and Sweet Part II

I've come to realize how much my heart rules over my head or in other words my emotions rule over logic. I'm not a big fan of logic, I think it should go crawl up into a corner and die. I tend to act upon emotion and what I'm feeling instead of thinking things out and being reasonable in certain situations. I think that because I am such an emotionally charged person I tend to take things a little personally than they should be. I've always been like this and I've always been a bit ashamed about it. I'm just a 20 yr old girl, who's got a hell of a an imagination, a hopelessly romantic notion of love, and an idealistic view on life. I'm like a child at times, I hate responsibility and I just want to be free.


Back to why I'm writing this right now, I think this whole situation with my co-workers is a classic case of my emotions ruling over logic and rational thinking. It's funny because I'm not so mad at E who conjured up the whole prank I'm mad at O who didn't have much to do with the prank at all. My anger isn't really anger, it's frustration! I'm frustrated because I have the biggest crush on O and he knows and we've talked about it and it almost happened and then he changed his mind and now he doesn't feel the same way he did before. I guess looking at it from a rational standpoint it's good that we aren't together because if we were and it didn't end well it could make things awkward because we work together. However, considering how awkward things already are because I'm so frustrated with him I don't see how it could get any worse. Then I let my emotions take over and all I can think about is how unbelievable I felt when he kissed me. I havn't felt this way about anyone since my ex. I will be with O soon, but right now I have my friends. My amazing friends who I don't know where I would be without them.

I don't think such a group of people exists anywhere else in the world. We are all so different, and our personalites are such opposites and yet we have the most amazing time. It's such an ecclectic group of people and we are a unique, creative, imaginative group.

I'm going to keep a positive outlook on things. My birthday is exactly a week away and maybe turning 21 will be the beginning of a new me.
I will be happy.
I will find a man who loves me and can't get enough of me and will treat me with love and respect.
I will be okay.

I would say that I will have the most amazing group of friends but...I already have that.

Dangerous and Sweet Part I

I know that you are just like me

Oversensitive

We're an oridinary breed

Taking everything for much more than it means

It's dangerous and sweet

Cut us and we bleed...

-Lenka//Dangerous and Sweet

thank you justin!

soulmates

two souls destined to find each other.
two souls designed to fit perfectly together like pieces in a puzzle.
one for everyone
one for me?
when?

fall down fall out

They could fight all night about who should be mad at who. It is what it is and they we're both playing mind games. Neither of them would ever admit such a fact, but it was true. She could almost hear him through the computer screen. She had never heard him yell before but she could imagine the disgust in his voice as he said "i'm glad that you think i'm not worth talking to. because if you would believe that i sat down bored one day and decided to fuck with your mind, you have some trust issues. and because this is the second time you've blown up on me because of your issues, then i don't want to talk to you either." He made no sense in that respect, he didn't understand that his little part in this game had burned the trust that had been built in these past 4 months, and for someone who didn't trust so easily this was a major accomplishment. An accomplishment that ceased to exist at this point.
She furiously typed back "all im gonna say is you don't know what ive been through, this kind of shit has happend to me before and i know you guys like to joke around but this whole thing got taken a little too far. thats why im upset. as for trust you have no idea what ive been through. none." He really did have no idea how many times she'd been lied to and had had her head messed up.
He laughed and responded with such a cavalier attitude "lol again. u still think i had something in my head that would want to screw with you"
She didn't doubt this notion but she was starting to think that maybe his little part in this game was more miniscule than little. It still didn't exempt him from the fact that he had still played his part and screwed her over.
He was an ass, that she knew, she tended to find them the most interesting for some sick unknown reason. Oddly enough the more this little online squabble escalated the more she wanted to just forget about it reach through the computer and touch that handsome face of his. He was one one of the few people that she couldn't stand to be mad at, which was quite often. He always made her so frustrated and angry and she couldn't control it. Six seconds passed when "i'm done. thanks." popped up on the screen. She almost lost it at that point. She could feel the liquid build behind her eyes. Her stomach sank and her hands started to tingle. At this point she was typing out of anger and hurt "u shouldn't have given out my number that's the bottom line here, in fact u should delete it" She didn't mean the last part but she needed something dramatic and to counter his "i'm done" she sent "i am so done with u" and then she proceeded to block him. She contemplated letting her fit of rage take over and erase him from more than her AIM buddy list but she thought it best to not do anything to rash. A couple of hours later she realized the truth of the matter was that if she could take everything back and say what she really wanted to say without any reprecussions she would and what that entailed would be something like this...
I am head over heels crazy, insanely, in like with you. You make me nervous, give me butterflies, and make me feel like complete fool when I'm around you. I want to kiss you all day and rip your clothes off at night. I want to know everything about you and make your bed my second home. I'll read any book you want me to and I never thought your video games were stupid, it's just something that it is easy to tease you about. Your hugs make me feel safe and I never want you to let go. Any time we touch firey sparks are sent throughout my whole body and you can turn me on for hours with just that one touch. I savor our monday nights and to think those will be gone by the time schedules return to normal makes my heart sink. You frustrate me, and yet I can't get you out of my mind. I am head over heels, crazy insanely, in like with you.