sick.

I want to apologize for not posting for awhile. 12 days to be specific. Alot has happend and lemme say my 21st birthday was epic! I will explain more later, but I just wanted to post to let people who read this know I am alive...specifically Stephen because I havn't talked to you in a few days :( I'm sorry, but I've been sick!

I did however want to say that tonite, despite the fact I'm sick, I'm still hopeful. Things are still good and I am currently toying with the idea of becoming a CPA (certified personal accountat) It is extremely intriguing and I would be able to still do business. As for changing my major, I havn't thought that through. I might consider it more, once I A) get through this class and B) take the second class.

Things at the Library are back to normal...for the most part. I have not seen one of my co-workers for two weeks but I'm okay with it. I think what I was feeling for them has passed. I realized this a few days ago and now I have removed one person from SJB's Hit List XD

To my friends: S.B M.C M.S S.J.B. J.E C.L E.G you mean everything to me and what I would do without you I don't know. Know that I appreciate your friendship more than anything. I hope I can only be as good to you all as you have been to me!

I am slowly drifting to sleep at my kitchen table and I believe my bed is calling me...and I have work tomorrow at 1:40 FEEL FREE TO STOP BY!!!

you know you love me xoxo

I

My Wishes for my 21st year

So I am a firm believer in the influence the universe has on our lives, I love horoscopes and readings and the Zodiac. I am an Aquarius. The Water Bearer. Creative, Innovative, and Unique. Anyway I read this Summary for Aquarius for the year and normally I don't believe this stuff because it's so general and not tailored to the exact coordinates of my houses and rising sign and sun sign and all that shit. But, what did make sense is that apparently I am suppose to have a fantastic year. Which I will have, but to make it even stronger and now that I'm on this new Positive Thinking kick, I've been working on putting my positive thoughts and what I want for this new year out into the Universe. Apparently I need to be specific and put a lot of thought into it. So here we go.

My List of What I want for 2009

1. To do well during the school year. I will make good grades, focus more, study more, get into a good habit.
2. I willt find my passion. I will figure out what I'm passionate about and what I can make into a good career for myself. I will find something where I don't get bored easily. Something that interests me and really gets me motivated.
3. I will start going to the gym on a regular basis and get my energy up and get moving.
4. I will move out of my parents house. I will get an apartment (preferably with megan =] ) and I will finally be out on my own.
5. I will travel. I will go to Greece, Spain, England, France, Italy(again), Ireland, Scottland. I will go anywhere my heart desires.
6. I will save money. I will start putting away part of my paycheck and I will open my own savings account (or try to persuade my parents to sign overthe one I already have so I can start putting money into that)
7. I will find a loving,caring,funny,smart,handsome,honest,charming boyfriend who loves me for me, wants to be with me and only me. I will find him soon.
8. I will learn how to balence school, work, and life all at the same time.
9. I will get a new car and until I find one that is a decent price my van will keep running for me.
10. I will learn how to trust again, not only my instincts but other people as well.

For the time being this is all that I can think of. These will all come true. The universe will accept this and my heart is open. When I think of more I will update the list. I am excited for the new year. I know this may be rediculous, but to me it is important.

I have 4 days til I turn 21 and I plan on this year being the best year I have ever had. I expect new changes and experiences.

I am so stoked!

so today...

I got my tragus pierced!!! Pictures to follow soon :)

Dangerous and Sweet Part II

I've come to realize how much my heart rules over my head or in other words my emotions rule over logic. I'm not a big fan of logic, I think it should go crawl up into a corner and die. I tend to act upon emotion and what I'm feeling instead of thinking things out and being reasonable in certain situations. I think that because I am such an emotionally charged person I tend to take things a little personally than they should be. I've always been like this and I've always been a bit ashamed about it. I'm just a 20 yr old girl, who's got a hell of a an imagination, a hopelessly romantic notion of love, and an idealistic view on life. I'm like a child at times, I hate responsibility and I just want to be free.


Back to why I'm writing this right now, I think this whole situation with my co-workers is a classic case of my emotions ruling over logic and rational thinking. It's funny because I'm not so mad at E who conjured up the whole prank I'm mad at O who didn't have much to do with the prank at all. My anger isn't really anger, it's frustration! I'm frustrated because I have the biggest crush on O and he knows and we've talked about it and it almost happened and then he changed his mind and now he doesn't feel the same way he did before. I guess looking at it from a rational standpoint it's good that we aren't together because if we were and it didn't end well it could make things awkward because we work together. However, considering how awkward things already are because I'm so frustrated with him I don't see how it could get any worse. Then I let my emotions take over and all I can think about is how unbelievable I felt when he kissed me. I havn't felt this way about anyone since my ex. I will be with O soon, but right now I have my friends. My amazing friends who I don't know where I would be without them.

I don't think such a group of people exists anywhere else in the world. We are all so different, and our personalites are such opposites and yet we have the most amazing time. It's such an ecclectic group of people and we are a unique, creative, imaginative group.

I'm going to keep a positive outlook on things. My birthday is exactly a week away and maybe turning 21 will be the beginning of a new me.
I will be happy.
I will find a man who loves me and can't get enough of me and will treat me with love and respect.
I will be okay.

I would say that I will have the most amazing group of friends but...I already have that.

Dangerous and Sweet Part I

I know that you are just like me

Oversensitive

We're an oridinary breed

Taking everything for much more than it means

It's dangerous and sweet

Cut us and we bleed...

-Lenka//Dangerous and Sweet

thank you justin!

soulmates

two souls destined to find each other.
two souls designed to fit perfectly together like pieces in a puzzle.
one for everyone
one for me?
when?

fall down fall out

They could fight all night about who should be mad at who. It is what it is and they we're both playing mind games. Neither of them would ever admit such a fact, but it was true. She could almost hear him through the computer screen. She had never heard him yell before but she could imagine the disgust in his voice as he said "i'm glad that you think i'm not worth talking to. because if you would believe that i sat down bored one day and decided to fuck with your mind, you have some trust issues. and because this is the second time you've blown up on me because of your issues, then i don't want to talk to you either." He made no sense in that respect, he didn't understand that his little part in this game had burned the trust that had been built in these past 4 months, and for someone who didn't trust so easily this was a major accomplishment. An accomplishment that ceased to exist at this point.
She furiously typed back "all im gonna say is you don't know what ive been through, this kind of shit has happend to me before and i know you guys like to joke around but this whole thing got taken a little too far. thats why im upset. as for trust you have no idea what ive been through. none." He really did have no idea how many times she'd been lied to and had had her head messed up.
He laughed and responded with such a cavalier attitude "lol again. u still think i had something in my head that would want to screw with you"
She didn't doubt this notion but she was starting to think that maybe his little part in this game was more miniscule than little. It still didn't exempt him from the fact that he had still played his part and screwed her over.
He was an ass, that she knew, she tended to find them the most interesting for some sick unknown reason. Oddly enough the more this little online squabble escalated the more she wanted to just forget about it reach through the computer and touch that handsome face of his. He was one one of the few people that she couldn't stand to be mad at, which was quite often. He always made her so frustrated and angry and she couldn't control it. Six seconds passed when "i'm done. thanks." popped up on the screen. She almost lost it at that point. She could feel the liquid build behind her eyes. Her stomach sank and her hands started to tingle. At this point she was typing out of anger and hurt "u shouldn't have given out my number that's the bottom line here, in fact u should delete it" She didn't mean the last part but she needed something dramatic and to counter his "i'm done" she sent "i am so done with u" and then she proceeded to block him. She contemplated letting her fit of rage take over and erase him from more than her AIM buddy list but she thought it best to not do anything to rash. A couple of hours later she realized the truth of the matter was that if she could take everything back and say what she really wanted to say without any reprecussions she would and what that entailed would be something like this...
I am head over heels crazy, insanely, in like with you. You make me nervous, give me butterflies, and make me feel like complete fool when I'm around you. I want to kiss you all day and rip your clothes off at night. I want to know everything about you and make your bed my second home. I'll read any book you want me to and I never thought your video games were stupid, it's just something that it is easy to tease you about. Your hugs make me feel safe and I never want you to let go. Any time we touch firey sparks are sent throughout my whole body and you can turn me on for hours with just that one touch. I savor our monday nights and to think those will be gone by the time schedules return to normal makes my heart sink. You frustrate me, and yet I can't get you out of my mind. I am head over heels, crazy insanely, in like with you.